i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
