If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
