Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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