someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.