Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?