i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize