I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?