so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
