pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
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What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
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