Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
