so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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