I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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