it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
