How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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