I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Success! We fucked roommates!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
