Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Fuck appropriateness.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
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how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
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By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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