It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
