So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
