I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
