You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
