As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
