tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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