My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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