Screwed.edu
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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