yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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