Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
