There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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