I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Do vagina's smell?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize