He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
How's work?
Spinning.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
