420 ftw
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I need to sanitize my soul.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
