His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
