Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
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