You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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