Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
