Please, let me fuck your mom
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
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If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I currently don't understand fingers.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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