Where is the hickey?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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