wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
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No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
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Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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