What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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