Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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