dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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