i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
