I could have mohawked her pubes.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
