just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
