I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You're like the curious george of whores
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
