So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
