Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
