I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
