i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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