i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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