I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
