i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
