Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
