took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
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He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
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Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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