Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
