just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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