she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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