I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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