Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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