I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
