Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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