your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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