i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
