Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize