Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
