I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
