Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
