I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
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I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
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can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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