But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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