Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
