We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Congratulations! We have a period
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