it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
wanna go halves on a baby?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
