I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
